A Mistake
by Sixty Teacups
Summary: "I need to talk to you." Saga interrupted him, unintentionally blurting it out, but he felt like if he didn't do this now then he never would. "O-oh...alright. W-what's wrong, Senpai?" Ritsu asked, his anxiety quite obviously spiking. "I think we should break up." (Oneshot)


(A/N: This fic was done to fulfill a request from one wonderful Darda Saba! (This is my longest one shot thus far also so I'm proud of that!) I really hope Darda Saba-as well as anyone else who reads this-enjoys! Feel free to private message me if you also have a request, though a warning: I do exclusively write fics for the Nostalgia couple. It isn't that I don't like the other couples or that I don't like junjou romantica, because I do, BUT my passion mostly lies with this couple in particular! Anyways, enjoy!)

Saga Masamune felt that for a little while now something very strange was going on within him and you didn't need to be brilliant to piece together what it was. Yes; this awkward, nervous, jittery underclassman that had been stalking him for a while now (but he had always pretended like he didn't notice) was what was causing this almost frightening change. For most of his life, Saga had convinced himself he was in no need of love, care, or affection. Friendships seemed a hassle, and relationships seemed even more so. No one in his mind was genuine enough or loyal enough or down right interesting enough for him to get invested in.

Then, of course, life decided to throw a curveball at him just to prove him wrong because life is spiteful that way. His initial reaction to Onodera-or as he knew him, Oda-Ritsu had been mostly irritation with just a twinge of disgust. So, he decided to be spiteful right back to life and set on a mission to break that naivety and innocence that radiated off of Ritsu. Until, of course, that plan was ruined by him actually getting rather attached to the kid and he found this disturbing desire inside of him to...open up.

All these emotions he had been disguising as indifference to himself and others, just barely holding them at the floodgates: his bitterness, contempt, desire, misery, hopefulness, hopelessness, fear, rage, wistfulness, he wanted to let them all go. Ritsu made him feel _safe_ by how selfless and honest he was, safe enough to share these things with not just him, but also possibly with others. As horrifying as it was, Saga _did_ want friends, he _did_ want inside jokes, he _did_ want to make stupid mistakes with his peers, he _did_ want to belong somewhere, just like anyone else. After finally experiencing how it felt to have someone care for him, he couldn't help but to want more.

He realized that it may have been just a little selfish, but he also felt Ritsu may understand. If it were to be discovered that Saga Masamune was in a same-sex relationship with an underclassman, he would never have a chance at actually finding more people he could connect with. Besides, his and Ritsu's relationship hadn't gotten all that serious yet and although it can be almost incredulously annoying or painstakingly cruel to hear this from an ex, he and Ritsu could always stay friends.

So, with a new found determination Saga decided that come Monday morning he was going to change things up a bit. It just unfortunately included changing his relationship status with Ritsu.

* * *

He realized that it would probably be a little difficult to squeeze his way into others' lives, since so many of his peers had already been friends with one another for a long time, but he always did have girls that seemed to like him. While it was usually for rather shallow reasons, it could potentially be a start. So when his school day started he acted a little more pleasantly, politely smiling for a change instead of brooding. One girl's face flushed so dark when he smiled at her that she could almost compete with Ritsu's famous shade of red. Almost. It was only a small change in his usual demeanor, but after being so secluded and isolated for so long, Saga could only really take baby steps.

Saga's initial plan was to go to the library during lunch, as he usually did, and end things with Ritsu then. However, upon further consideration it was kind of a dick move to break the kid's heart and then make him go through the rest of his school day with that weighing on him. So, Saga hoped life would be merciful to him for once as he made his way to the lunch room. It was the exact opposite of his quiet little safe haven, as one would expect, and he must have looked like a deer in headlights for a few moments because it didn't take too terribly long for a somewhat familiar voice to start calling his name.

"Saga-kun!" A girl from his class was waving enthusiastically to get his attention, her friends all giggling to themselves, some trying to halfheartedly hush her and the others averting their eyes in embarrassment.

He walked over to see what it was they wanted before it dawned on him that he was being offered a seat with them. Seriously, what _did_ girls like about him so much? He would never understand. Nonetheless, he sat down, much to the surprise of most of the girls there. Once getting over the initial strangeness of the whole situation, they began asking questions, almost overwhelming the poor boy. Things such as: why haven't they ever seen him in lunchroom before? Where does he normally eat? Did he have a partner for that recently assigned literature project yet? Did he have a girlfriend? And the one that struck him the most:

"No offense, but why are you acting differently? You normally just keep to yourself."

Saga took a moment to formulate an answer, giving a shrug before speaking. "I guess I'm just tired of keeping to myself, that's all."

* * *

By the time the school day ended and Saga made his way down his normal route to the library, he found himself getting more and more nervous. Doubt was starting to slowly sneak it's way into him, but he didn't allow it to overtake him and change his mind. He just wanted a normal life in at least one aspect. He opened the library doors and walked inside, eyes scanning for a short, skinny figure with light brown hair, but he found nothing. He figured he had just beat Ritsu here and went to the table where they usually sat, discarding his things on to it before looking for a book to kill some time with while he waited for the underclassman. He went to a shelf and just grabbed a novel he had read before and then sat back down. He flipped through the pages rather distractedly, glancing up every so often to look around the library before looking back down at the text. He wondered where Ritsu was, hoping he would show up sooner rather than later. The longer he sat alone with his thoughts, the more they ate away at him.

Did he _really_ want to break up with Ritsu? They had only been dating for a short while, but they seemed like they had something good. Something that _could be_ great, if they let it keep growing. Ritsu was kind and fun to talk to and _real._ Even when Saga wore his mask of boredom, Ritsu seemed to be able to see right through it, which both annoyed him to no end and made him very happy. He didn't know _much_ about Ritsu, other than he liked books, but he did have this odd desire to learn more about him. What was his favorite color? What was his biggest pet peeve? What other hobbies did he have? What was his favorite food? It wasn't just that, but silly fantasies as well of them spending Valentine's day and White day together, their birthdays, Christmas, all of that lovey dovey couple stuff. _That_ terrified him even more than wanting to have friends: the fact that he was rather invested in someone so quickly after not dating for terribly long. He let out a silent sigh as he convinced himself he was still dead set on breaking up.

While lost in his thoughts, Saga managed to miss Ritsu's arrival. It wasn't until Ritsu came up to the table and greeted him that he finally noticed.

"Good afternoon, Senpai." Ritsu said politely with that stupidly, irritatingly cute smile of his before sitting down at the table beside him, consciously keeping a bit of distance between the two of them because otherwise his heart would not be able to take it.

"Hey." Saga greeted casually, shutting the book that he hadn't been paying an awful lot of attention to and setting it out of the way.

"How was your-?"

"I need to talk to you." Saga interrupted him, unintentionally blurting it out, but he felt like if he didn't do this now then he never would.

"O-oh...alright. W-what's wrong, Senpai?" Ritsu asked, his anxiety quite obviously spiking.

"I think we should break up." Saga stated, not looking at Ritsu directly and instead opting for staring at the table.

There were a few painfully long moments of silence, Saga still not looking at the boy beside him as he waited for his response, holding his breath.

"Okay."

Okay?

Was...that all?

"Oh-I-um-I just remembered I-my mother-she wanted me home earlier today-so I-I should go." Ritsu struggled slightly to get out, quickly getting up and grabbing his things before exiting the library hurriedly.

Saga watched Ritsu as he left, a part of him tempted to call out to him, another part relieved that it was done with, and a third part of him was hurt and a little pissed off. Okay? That was it? He was the one who had said it would take three days to explain why he loved him, and now he wasn't even going to fight for that? Then again, Ritsu was never the fighting type. He was always a people pleaser-well, a Senpai pleaser. Ritsu probably just hadn't wanted to cause a scene or make trouble for Saga. Considerate till the end. He sighed, wishing that even for just a moment Ritsu _wasn't_ so considerate.

* * *

From that point on, things did shift slowly in Saga's life. He spent more lunches in the school cafeteria than not, behaved more outgoing little by little among his classmates, and when he finally began to show interest in others they surprisingly showed interest back and didn't give the rejection he had been expecting. He had even managed to meet a couple people that he would genuinely enjoy spending time with outside of school.

The only thing that hadn't changed in his life was going to the library after school. His life at home unfortunately didn't improve alongside his social one and so he still avoided heading back to his house for as long as he possibly could. Another thing that _did_ change that he _hadn't_ wanted was that he never even got a glimpse of Ritsu anymore. Of course, Saga wasn't so delusional to the point that he believed Ritsu would still frequent the library everyday at the same time as his ex, but he was _never_ there anymore. It made the library feel off, as though something was missing or out of place. He tried to ignore it, but the name Oda Ritsu also stopped showing up under his in the books. The library that once was _theirs_ to share wasn't anymore, yet it didn't belong to Ritsu alone, and it certainly didn't belong to Saga alone either. Instead, the upperclassman began to feel as though he no longer had a place there.

There was also the fact that he thought Ritsu would come at least _once._ Once to curse him out, to say goodbye, to hear Saga's reason, to try to convince him otherwise, to offer friendship, to do or say _anything._

Still, he tried to dismiss these feelings, convinced they would go away with time and he would gradually get used to the idea and reality of no longer seeing or being with Onodera Ritsu.

* * *

"...istening to me?"

"Huh?" Saga blinked as he was brought out of his spaced out state, turning his attention toward his classmate, the girl who had waved him down to her lunch table the first day he had decided to start to open up. Her name, as he quickly discovered, was Hana.

She sighed and shook her head a bit. "I asked if you were listening to me, which I guess you weren't, but that's fine! Anyways, I'm having a party this weekend and you should definitely come." She said with a sweet smile, but it was one that Saga had quickly come to learn was different than Ritsu's. It was slightly manipulative, it held it's own motives and selfish reasons, it wasn't honest. Regardless, he nodded.

"Sure, I'll come." He said and she gave a quiet squeal of delight.

"Perfect! I'll text you more details about it later." She said, having managed to get Saga's number out of him a couple weeks ago.

Saga merely nodded and her smile widened before she ran off to tell her girlfriends about the most recent addition to her little guest list.

Saga sighed. A party, huh?

* * *

Saga never really envisioned himself as a party person. The thought had always made him a little uncomfortable and he thought he would much rather spend his time curled up in bed with a book. He had been right.

Although surrounded by people he felt he could consider friends-people who at the very least considered him a friend-he again began to feel how he felt in the library. This space, this environment, this music, this buzzing excitement, this experience none of it belonged to him. It belonged to them and he was more or less an outsider who-no matter how welcomed he was-would not be able to feel like he had a place here.

He gave the party a chance regardless, talking to a few familiar faces, laughing at their jokes and trying to have fun. His attention was pulled from person to person as he jumped around and talked to the many people he knew. Eventually, he went into the kitchen to get a drink and also have a small break from all the socializing.

"Heeey, so this is where you've been hiding!" Hana said in a way that was a little too bubbly as she entered the kitchen as well.

"I haven't been hiding." Saga deadpanned in his old usual way, but Hana shrugged it off and rolled her eyes.

"You know I'm only teasing. I'm glad you came." She smiled her sweet smile and Saga suddenly felt sick.

"Are you really?" He found himself asking. Her smile dropped, replaced by a confused expression as her eyebrows furrowed.

"What? What is that supposed to mean? Of course I am." She said, not understanding what Saga was getting at.

"Are you glad _I_ came? _Me?"_ Saga persisted.

"I already said I was, I seriously don't get what you're trying to say." Hana said, crossing her arms as she was beginning to get a bit frustrated.

He gave a slight bitter laugh as a rushing realization came at him all at once. He hadn't been more _open_ with other people. He hadn't allowed himself to be vulnerable, he didn't feel safe and secure, he had never given into the feelings he suppressed, he had never talked once about the things that suffocated him the most. He had just adopted a new mask.

"How can you be glad I'm here when you don't even know me?" He asked.

"What are you even talking about?" Hana demanded, but Saga provided no answer, walking past her and exiting the house without another word to anyone.

* * *

Saga strangely enough found himself not caring about how Hana or really how anyone he had met would react to his rather sudden and early exit of the party. Hana was a gossip and a bit of an exaggerator, so he was sure everyone had heard an embellished version of her story. Yet, he still didn't care. There was only one thing on his mind after he left Hana's house and he was more determined than he had _ever_ been, even when compared to his previous goal of gaining friends.

When spoken to by his classmates as they all filed into the classroom, he didn't blow them off completely and instead responded politely and accordingly, but gave off his previous air of wanting to be left alone. Most of them took the hint and let him be, thinking he was having an off day of some sort. When Hana walked into the classroom, she glanced at Saga with a purposefully bored expression and held her head a little higher than usual before taking her seat. She was obviously miffed about him leaving her party unexpectedly without a clear reason, but Saga didn't even look her way, which only made her angrier.

Saga watched the clock rather anxiously, waiting for lunch to roll around. He only had one real hope when it came to fulfilling his plan and if that didn't work out then he supposed he would have to ask around or find another way. Once they were in fact dismissed for lunch, Saga stood and went to leave eagerly, but was stopped by a still irritated Hana.

"Hey, Saga, what was that Saturday night?"

"What was what?" Saga said as he tried to get around her, but she didn't make it that easy.

"You _know_ what. Why did you suddenly leave? It was really rude you know." She huffed.

"I'm kind of a rude person." Saga shrugged dismissively.

"Is that really anyway to treat your friend?" Hana pouted and Saga gritted his teeth, recognizing that deceptive kicked puppy look that she liked to pull. She batted her eyes innocently as if Saga couldn't see through that.

"You're not my friend." He said simply, the girl stunned at this response. Saga took her shock as an opportunity to get around her and quickly left.

Saga took a deep breath as he stood in front of the library doors. He had come to the hopeful conclusion that Ritsu wouldn't stop going to the library _completely,_ but instead maybe went during lunch since Saga tended to not be there anymore. If Ritsu wasn't there then he would have to find him some other way. He opened the doors, quietly shutting them behind him, holding his breath as he spotted the underclassman at their table with an open book. It was as though he had never really left, like time had stopped and kept him there, just waiting for Saga to come back so time could continue. Saga then shook his head slightly at the ridiculous thought, gathering what courage he had and walking up to the table.

Ritsu didn't look up from his book until he noticed someone sitting at the table in his peripheral vision. Then, he glanced briefly as his eyes were drawn to the movement, and he almost jumped out of his skin when seeing who it was.

"S-S-S-Saga S-Senpai?" He stuttered out in surprise. What was he doing here? He didn't eat lunch in the library anymore, he always ate with his friends. Was no time safe anymore.

"Don't look so scared, it's just me." Saga managed to say, though he himself was just as terrified as Ritsu looked.

"What are you-what are you doing here?" Ritsu choked out as he stared at Saga, trying to convince himself the senpai beside him wasn't an illusion of some sort.

"Because I wanted to-I needed to see you. I needed to talk to you." Saga said. Was his voice shaking? He hoped not.

"O-O-Okay..." Ritsu said hesitantly. He tore his gaze away from Saga momentarily to look at his book and shut it slowly before giving his full attention back to Saga.

"I want to get back together."

Again, just as before, moments passed where neither of them spoke, but this time around it wasn't just painful or awkward. It was mortifying, heartbreaking, it was smothering and strangling Saga silently.

"I...don't...understand." Was the first thing that Ritsu managed to get out.

"I miss you." Saga admitted. He figured if he wanted to get Ritsu back he needed to lay everything on the table and be just as open as Ritsu had been with him. "I...when we got together I felt...you made me feel okay with being more open about who I am and what I feel. I thought maybe I could be more open and vulnerable with other people too. Stop being such a loner and all. But I...I didn't think I would be able to make friends _and_ be with you." Saga explained. "It was stupid." Saga added quickly, before Ritsu could say anything. "I shouldn't have made myself choose between something like that and in the end when I did I made the wrong choice. Even after making friends, none of them really...felt like friends. I didn't have that same feeling of comfort and complete acceptance I have...when I'm with you. I realized what a huge mistake and even if you don't want to get back together, I at least want to let you know I'm sorry. I'm not exactly great with words and I feel like nothing I could ever say can really tell you how much I regret breaking up." Saga said, hands clasped in his lap as he stared nervously at the table.

Ritsu bit his lower lip as he looked down, saying nothing once more and Saga eventually had to look at him because it was just _killing_ him not to. Ritsu's eyes were still so damn green and he could stare at them forever, if fate and Ritsu were so kind to allow it.

"And...and if people found out about us? Your classmates? Or even your parents? Then what?" Ritsu pressed. "Will you just...want to break up again?" He asked quietly, nervously tugging at the end of one of his sleeves.

"If you want me to, I'll go into the cafeteria right now, stand on a table and shout that I'm going out with you."

Ritsu's head snapped towards Saga, eyes wide with alarm. "H-H-Huh?! N-n-no! I-"

"And I can take you home and present you as my boyfriend to my parents, if that will ease your mind." Saga added.

"N-no way, I am not ready to meet-!"

Saga ruffled his hair, giving a genuine smile. "I missed that." he said.

"M-m-missed what?" Ritsu asked in confusion.

"Your blush. It's so cute." Saga said, lightly pinching one of his cheeks. Ritsu gently pushed his hand away, face still red.

"I-I'm not just going to agree b-because you say some sweet things. I...I was pretty hurt, you know." He said, crossing his arms and looking away again.

"I know. And I am sorry. I'll do whatever it takes, Ritsu. I don't want to lose you again. Even if it just means just keeping you as a friend." Saga said, though it would kill him to have Ritsu so close without being able to kiss his stupidly cute face.

"I'll...think about it?" Ritsu offered.

"Think about it with me after school." Saga said.

"Wha-?"

"I miss you. I also miss being at the library with you. It isn't the same coming here by myself anymore. In fact, I can barely stand coming here alone." Saga explained.

"I-"

"You can think about it with me this Saturday too, if you want. We can get lunch and go to a bookstore or see a movie or something. What kind of movies do you like, anyway?"

"Wait-"

Saga smiled softly, stunning whatever protest Ritsu was about to give into silence.

"I...I like suspense movies. And romantic comedies." Ritsu answered a little reluctantly.

"Is there anything like that playing right now?" Saga asked. Ritsu merely shrugged, eyes averting shyly and Saga couldn't stop a smile from coming to his lips again as he reached out to ruffle his hair a second time. He had missed that too, the feeling of Ritsu's soft brunette strands. The underclassman tensed nervously at his touch and sat there, flushed red from head to toe.

"I...I'll come to the library after school today, okay?" Ritsu said quietly. "And...I'll give you answer about this Saturday at the end of the week." He added. "As for an answer about us getting back together or not...I don't know when I'll be able to give that to you yet." Ritsu said.

Saga reached out for his hand, holding it gently. Ritsu instinctively tried to pull it away, but Saga merely held it tighter.

"I can wait, Ritsu. All I ask is that you don't take ten or eleven years to give me an answer." Saga chuckled.

"O-O-Of course not." Ritsu said quickly and Saga chuckled once more, giving his hand a squeeze. A few seconds passed and then Saga felt Ritsu shyly return the squeeze, making Saga's heart jump.

Although Saga had not received a direct answer just yet, he had a good feeling.

He and Ritsu would work it out.

Saga would stick with him no matter what obstacles came their way, as he was sure there would be plenty. However, his excitement for what the future could hold for the two of them intensely overshadowed any fears he had.

"I'm..." Ritsu started, making Saga's heart skip a beat again as he hadn't expected him to say much else.

"I'm glad you came." Ritsu said. "To the library, I mean. I'm glad you're here."

Saga paused for a moment, having to hold back the desire to kiss him all over his face. This boy really would never have any idea how much he and his words meant to Saga.

"Me too. I'm glad too."


End file.
